Resolve to be brave today, no matter what.

Today I did a little research, I had been having some symptoms for years and I decided that I would try and find out what this was all about and when I did, I wished I hadn't. I might or might not be sick- it may or may not be curable- depending on if it's what I think it maybe. I haven't gone to the doctor yet and in the mean time- thanks to the rich bank of knowledge available online I have diagnosed myself and until a few hours ago I was already bemoaning my fate. The cons of easily available knowledge. Well first I should tell you that it's not the sort of thing that will kill me- or disable me- just make me very uncomfortable like it has secretly been doing for years.

Now the question put forward to me when I realized this was whether to panic or not- as a human being panic is the first emotion, fear competes closely with that. But I told myself not to panic- because it's seems to be a manageable condition- with medication and the second was whether I should tell anyone about it. Go figure- I'd written a blog about telling someone how one really feels. So before mass hysteria paralysed me I called my step-mother, who is a doctor and I told her my suspicions and she listened and advised me to go see a doctor and get tested and while I was talking to her- I felt like bursting into tears- but I didn't because that would do me no good. Then I called my dad and spoke to him and casually mentioned that I had this problem and I tried to seem okay about it- but when he asked me why I didn't sound so good- I wanted to cry- but I didn't and when I hung up I did cry. And the day flew by because of what I was going through- I didn't even have lunch, until I was about to leave the office.

How do I feel now? Calm. For those of you who don't know- I'm a Christian and so thus a whole lot of the way I live my life is influenced by my beliefs. So when I did calm down my first reaction was "God is faithful. This is just an opportunity for him to work in my life." And that's still how I feel right now. I have this unreal sense of peace. Even if I wanted to lose my head right now- I couldn't.

I haven't scheduled the appointment with the doctor yet, I'm still waiting for my financial situation to clear up and then go for everything and find out. If I have what I suspect- so be it- I need a good fight to test my character and if I don't have it- that'll be a relief. But either way I trust the one who's always looked out for me.

I resolved to be brave 2day. And I do feel like a better person at the end. Do the same, Trust me, you’ll feel like a much better person at the end of this day.

N.C Ronia

Special thanks to Marcus Szecsenyi Berguv for making the photograph available for use. Click on his name to go to the profile on www.scx.hu

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